Ten Toes Down (In Sight)
Ten Toes Down is what the Church folk may deem an altar call. It is a reminder to step up and do the work necessary to access the healing you desire.
I think many will agree that 2020 has been a year of exposure. It has made clear the sources of our traumas, insecurities and other mental unrests. Honestly what better to do with 2020 than dig into your darkness and learn how to let it be a part of your everyday journey with compassion and without judgement.
I was sitting in the dark when I wrote the first verse. My friend Fraankie and I had been getting together weekly and just messing around with guitar loops. Originally I’d written a song on the loop called Delicious. We were planning to go to the studio that week and after listening to Delicious on repeat, I realized that through this loop Fraankie created I could access a deeper truth than what I’d explored so far. I wanted this song to feel like my name, Talibah Safiya (meaning seeker of knowledge, clear minded and pure). Why? Because the guitar riff is so pure. It’s so Memphis. It’s raw, it’s true and it feels like an opportunity to discover.
Around that time, I was experiencing some insomnia which is abnormal for me because I sleep like a person with no bills. Thing was, I was waking up between 3 and four AM completely coherent and with an inkling to go to my altar and pray, or write or sit. One of my closest relationships had recently (painfully) shifted and I had some healing to do. Those mid night risings were exposing truths I’d previously been uninterested in and after a while, that shit can be exhausting. I was in need of an anchor.
After asking the question, “Are you sick of growing?”, my pen got stuck. One would hope that’s always an easy question to answer, but alas, exhaustion. I pride myself on writing my own lyrics 100%. I don’t play an instrument so for me, it’s been important that the word was entirely my own. My best friend, Teal has been present to witness the ebb and flow. She’s been around since 2003. She’s observed, been influenced by and been influential in my life. One huge reason why we connect the way we do is because she asks all the right questions that guide me to deeper understanding.
One day Teal, Fraankie and myself sat in my den, played the loop, lit some incense and sorted out this song.
“Water keeps you going, but the wind’s still blowing”
You have what you need but life is still happening
You are Yemaya but Oya will trouble the water
“It’s Gonna Rain” Rev. Milton Brunson, The Thompson Community Choir
And then there is the flute, the wind, the space. Played by Ekpe Abioto. I met Ekpe in Elementary School, he plays Djembe, Flute, Kalimba and several other instruments. He would come to my school, Hanley Elementary and sing a song where he repeated “I am a genius, you are a genius” to a room full of black youth from Orange Mound. I believed him. That, for me, feels like destiny.
“Ok I’m here now, wanna get clear now, there’s nothing to fear now, all I have is here now, Ten Toes Down, to the ground.”
One of my prayers at the top of 2020 was to make more music with women. My creative process had been full of dudes. Although I’m not afraid to be in a room full of men alone. There’s something about the vulnerability women share. There’s something about the way we listen to each other that’s just easier to access. Teal and I met singing in our Middle School choir. We connected over Jill Scott, India Arie and secrets. Now we connect over allat plus novels, heavy laughter and spiritual development. She also knows how to put me in my place like my Mama (deep eye roll). I asked Teal, how can I say I’m grounded without saying grounded. Her first response was, “Ten Toes Down”. It just felt right. Fraankie started at her guitar, Teal held the lyrics on a beat up piece of paper and we played and sang together over and over until the spirit of intention filled the room.
“You said you wanted healing?”
“You said you wanted healing.”
A gentle nudge. A question. A statement. A reminder. This is the voice of your ancestors. This is the love you hold for yourself. It is the sweetest romance. It is an opportunity to access your strength, to elevate and impress yourself. It says “Strap in dammit, life is happening and we all need you at your best.” It is Psalms 23. It’s an invitation to sit at the table that was prepared for you in the presence of your own doubt and fear. It says “eat, we know you are famished”. But you are also protected, you are loved. And with both feet on the ground you are the flower of seeds planted with you in mind.
This is the best I could think up to offer you in the midst of a pandemic from the unseen guides that strengthen me. Thank you for listening.